As I write this blog post, I am officially in the fat category. I’ve been here about 8 months now —since my baby boy was born— and
I haven’t seen an ounce of about 40 pounds I gained during pregnancy just drop off on its own. I don’t think I’m in the obese category, but I’m significantly overweight for my short size. I’m writing this blog post because since being fat, I’ve noticed all kinds of different behaviour in how the outside world treats me.
I feel like I can’t eat in public, especially anything truly naughty like McDonalds. Over the summer, I got a cone of frozen yogurt, and was eating it, and a woman walked by and scowled at me, making some comment that I shouldn’t be doing that.
When I go into clothing shops, I can no longer find anything in my size. I can’t step foot in TopShop, H&M or Miss Sixty. Sizes in those retailers stop at about size 12. I don’t want to reveal exactly what size I am now, but I am beyond size 12.
I think I know I’m fat because of my Mom. Not one to hold back on critical review, she’s been giving me lectures about eating habits and the issues with weight. At one point she even told me that I had to lose weight because I didn’t want to die, now that I have a son to raise. She loves me, but I find the feedback harsh sometimes.
We all know the dangers of being fat — diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure, and the list goes on. I’m particularly concerned about diabetes, as my fat Dad, who never makes much of an effort to lose weight, now has adult onset diabetes. These conditions loom in my head like dark clouds, shadowing with threatening doom.
Fortunately, I’ve got a loving husband who doesn’t pressure me or think I’m not attractive anymore. He notices my weight, but hasn’t been picking on me about it. He still tells me I’m beautiful. What a sweetie!
I was warned I would gain weight in pregnancy, but I didn’t expect to put on this much — and I did think that it would come off on its own. Because the weight hasn’t dropped, I’m now on a diet. Thanks to Mom, who has hooked me up with a special hormone diet called HCG, I’ve been trying now for two weeks to drop the pounds.
HCG is some sort of hormone (get this!) that occurs naturally during pregnancy and suppresses your appetite. I’ve got a bottle of the stuff (a present from Mom who got it from a doctor for $75) and I’m taking a squirt of it in the morning, and a squirt in the afternoon. I’m using HCG while being on a recommended 500 calorie a day diet. I’m eating lean meats and white fish, with vegetables. No carbs, no sugar, no alcohol, no cheese…no nothing, but lean protein and vegetables.
In just two weeks I’ve already lost 11 pounds! This is encouraging. I’m finding that HCG does help with the unbearable hunger pains. It hasn’t stopped my craving for things I can’t have, but it has eased the pain. I want pizza. I want chocolate. I want fish & chips. I want cake. But I’m working really really hard on this diet, and the early results are encouraging.
Noboby wants to be fat — but the French model Tara Lynn, pictured above, sure does wear it well. She was a Facebook sensation, with the photo of her in the wicker chair, causing a debate about whether fat or skinny is more beautiful. Tara shows us that curves are amazing on some women, especially if they are tall, as the weight can spread out more evenly. She makes me feel better about myself — go Tara. Even if, or when, I do lose weight, I won’t be skinny, as I’ve always been a bit curvy and round.
I’m not the only one who has blogged about being fat. The prolific Notes from the Fatosphere explores the issue in extreme detail. And Skinny vs. Curvy features celebrities fat and thin. I don’t intend to become a fat blogger, and this might be my only post about the subject.
Are you fat? How does the world make you feel?
7 Comments
Hi. I'm not an expert, but I've been reading quite a bit about nutrition stuff lately as I've been trying to lose weight and get fit over the last year (with reasonable success so far). From everything I've read, I'm going to venture the opinion that losing 11 pounds in two weeks is possibly a dangerously fast rate of weight loss, and that a 500 calorie a day diet is even more dangerous. Most people need about 2,000 calories a day to sustain their current weight at normal minimal activity levels... the usual recommendation for dieting is to cut that down to around 1,500 calories and then do some exercise to burn some more calories, rather than creating all of your calorie deficit via dietary restriction.
Sorry if you already know all this and you do know what you're doing, I just ran across this post because a friend linked it on Twitter and I was a bit concerned about the numbers. Do try to lose your weight sensibly, or at best you will run a high risk of rebounding and putting weight back on again fairly quickly, and at worst you may do long-term damage to your body.
Please, see a doctor! eating under 1000 calories a day can be extremely unhealthy and you should be under medical supervision if you're trying a diet that restrictive.
Hi Lisa,
Been meaning to write for a while, but as a Mum of two and running my own business.. well, you know the rest personally, don't you? :)
I just wanted to comment and say - you're beautiful, smart, and a mum!! Brilliant. You may have put on a couple of pounds, but that doesn't change who you are. I think you're gorgeous.
As a mum who has also put on some weight in the last few years, I hear you, and can sympathise with the frustration and pain at not being able to fit in with societal norms. I am currently squeezing into a size 18, after losing a few pounds since my second child's birth - I was a size 22 shortly after my second labour. I was a rather slinky size 14 when I met him (I'm 6ft, so that was pretty slim for my build) but we're all fine with the changes motherhood has endowed me with, and maybe someday when my priorities change (and I ave time to exercise!), I'll be slinky again ;)
It's weird, I'm tall - so people say to me, it's ok, you're tall. But it's not ok. I can't shop in "normal" shops, and I'm made to feel like my curves are somehow ill advised. It's very strange. I am a feminine, curvy, big boobed big bummed stretch marked godess of motherhood. Why on Earth wouldn't designers want to cloth me? I've never understood that.
Good luck with losing the weight you need to for health reasons - both physical and mental, but don't forget big women are beautiful and sexy in their own rights, and as easy as it is to feel outcast with today's bonkers slimline society, you are clearly a very successful, otherwise happy, and clearly fulfilled woman. Fuck anyone who has a problem, it's their problem.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling now, just wanted to say I hear you sister, good luck with the weight loss, but don't sweat it so much it makes life shit. Life's too short, and we're all too gorgeous in our own rights :)
Love & chocolate cake, Thayer x
I so want to reply to your blog today, Suzanne. I have had many judgements cpelad upon me from the age of 7yrs. (I'm now 62) about my eating habits. Put on several diets, eaten healthily and lost weight, gained it back .the yo-yo-syndrome. I have exercised (in your Large as Life fitness classes way back when and in our local gym) and as my weight has continued to stick with me, and increase, I've found mobility has become a real issue for me.I am convinced that the total focus on my weight from an early age was detrimental and influenced the weight I continue to carry. Poor self-esteem while growing up also became a nightmare. Meeting with yourself and other LL women really helped me to move up the self-esteem ladder for which I will always be grateful! I don't believe there is any one answer to fixing' this obesity epidemic (as some would have us label it). I have (only one week ago) embarked on a healthy eating plan under the supervision of the dietician at our local health unit. I've done this before and I am trying to be positive as I remember how well I could move around two years ago when I had lost 6 stone (it's all back on again which is the reason for my caution). As I have mobility issues now after a long spell in hospital I really feel I want to be comfortable in my own body again and I think that is the secret' .being comfortable in your own skin. Acceptance of ourselves, making small changes to bring us to the place where we feel comfortable. Hallelujah to all out there who have already achieved this state of acceptance and comfort. My goodness I do go on don't I?It is true that in the long term many lose pounds only to regain them and it sets us up for failure and discouragement. How we get past that puzzles me. I have known a few friends who have become desperate and undergone by-pass surgery so have maintained weight loss that is not a route I would ever choose. I know it is a controversial subject an easy fix some would think. I enjoy the smell, texture, taste, preparation, look of how food is presented I wouldn't want to be deprived of that experience nor do I want to go through the rest of my days feeling 2nd rate and guilty over food! Yep, comfortable in my own skin .and for anyone reading this long comment .I would hope that is your aim too .whether you are at that point already or want to make whatever adjustments are needed for you to feel happy with your body. As you say, Suzanne there is lots to say on this subject but I'll make this do for now. Permission to all reading this to let out one big YAWN..lol
Hello Ced,
Thank you for reading my blog.
It sounds like you are doing a lot of thinking and a lot of work to control weight. I'm impressed, and hope the effort is paying off for you.
-Lisa
I can totally relate.
I have over 30 stone to lose!
I get STARRED at all the time and relate but am working to loose the weight. Already lost nearly 7 stone.
I'm blogging about it at www.weightlossbitch.blogspot.co.uk
Stick with it!
Love
WLB
Thankyou for reading my blog post about being fat.
Your weight loss is very impressive.
Sorry to say, I quit the diet and gained back weight I lost.
Need to try again, it is a hard battle,
-Lisa